just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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