i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
