ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
