At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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