I will die if light touches me.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
