I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
