let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pants are for mortals
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
