two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
