If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
