I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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