ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
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just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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