I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
