Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Randomize
