it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i think i just lost a toe
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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