He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
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I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
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Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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