apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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