from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
