I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
