You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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