I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
