I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Randomize
