ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
My feet surprised me
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