Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
