Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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