just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
