I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
