theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
