There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
