there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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