Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
