dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
