Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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