miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
