she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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