4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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