haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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