feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
