just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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