she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
