My nipple is on Facebook.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
