My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
