He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
