my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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