Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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