Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
