i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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