you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
