Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
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I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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