I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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