Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
