I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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