I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
