weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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