Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
