There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
