You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
