Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
