so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
