Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
