Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
