I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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