Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
