i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
