I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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