there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
