toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
